


That one time in Montreal

by ElleLL



Series: That one time [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 2017 CS Autumn International Classic, A Bit of Fluff, Established Relationship, FS aftermath, M/M, Nonsensical fluff, a bit of angst, mainly pointless talks, tooth-rotting, who needs teeth anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-08 16:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12257838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleLL/pseuds/ElleLL
Summary: Comfort can be bitter and disappointment can be sweet. Yuzuru is already familiar with this ambivalence, it’s been a motif in his relationship with Javier for years.Love can’t make up for regret and failures, but it still matters.





	1. That one time they shared a podium (but neither of them felt like smiling)

**Author's Note:**

> No native English speaker here. Any misspell from fictional Yuzuru is part of my headcanon about how he talks in English. Any mistake in the rest of the work is entirely my own.  
> Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, just a scrap from my own mental theatre inspired by real life people and events but with no claim to be real.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment in the changing room, after a disappointing day.

  _Autumn Classic International has come and gone in a blur. Yuzu and Javi are side by side on top of the podium. Then why is it so hard to smile?_

 

 The night after the SP:

-You did good-.

-You did better-.

They grinned, they hugged, patting each other’s back.

-Let’s have fun tomorrow, yeah?-

-I’m not going to make it easy for you-.

-Good. We give our best and we together on podium, yes?-

-You can bet on it!-

 

Only 24 hours or so later, the FS already behind them, neither of them had much to celebrate. Well, Yuzu supposed Javi at least could celebrate his gold.

He was stuck with silver. Canadian silver.

 _Again_.

Yuzuru sighed.

He sat alone on a bench in the changing room. He had been receiving pats on his back and sympathetic smiles from almost everyone around him since stepping away from the ice. It felt tiring, being regarded as someone who needed comfort. Well, he _did_ need it, or he would start going mental in a totally unhealthy way, but thank the gods he had Tracy and Brian to keep him in check and prevent him from spiralling from _kuyashii_ into depression.

Yuzuru didn’t like the taste of failure after that of glory, he’d rather have had the other way around.  
Like Boston vs. Helsinki. Yeah, he’d rather be the one pulling off miraculous recovery skates than the one bombing the FS and burning a  SP world record down to ashes.

 _But_. But he had feelings to analyse, because his problems this time had more to do with his mentality than his body, despite the relative lack of training due to that untimely knee pain. During his free skate, Yuzuru had been thinking too much _yet again_ , and it frustrated the hell out of him that he still hadn’t found out a way to shut his brain off whenever he needed it, just like he had done for the SP. But, if it wasn’t hard, it wouldn’t be so fun to accomplish that.

There! That’s how Yuzuru had to see that disaster of a free skate, like a challenge to overcome. He would came back stronger once more, like he always had whenever people started doubting him.  
Yuzuru was only sorry that the fans had to left ACI feeling so underwhelmed. ‘But I did good yesterday’ he reminded himself. ‘That’s something’. He would use his frustration to fuel him. He was now even more determined to show the real extent of his gratitude toward everyone that kept supporting him.

Someone let himself fall down on the bench and the Japanese started.

-You were spacing out-.

The quiet, warm tone of Javier.

-I know-.

They stayed like that, shoulder to shoulder, staring into space. They didn’t talk, but the words were there, in the slumped lines of their shoulders and their downturned mouths.

Javi: ‘I did bad’.

Yuzu: ‘I did worse’.

Another weight on the bench, as Nam Nguyen sat down on Yuzu’s left side.

Nam turned to his former training mates and he couldn’t help a defeated chuckle: -Cricket brothers!-

Yuzu grimaced, Javier laughed hoarsely.

-I’d have preferred we could be brothers in slightly happier circumstances-.

-Hey, at least you two got a medal!-

Yuzu grimaced more. Javier felt bad for not considering that Nam was feeling way worse than both of them. Or than him, at least.

-Well- Nam got up and stretched. God, the young Canadian had grown so tall. -I’m tired. See you... sometime-.

-Yeah, you text me next time you end up in Toronto. Don’t try to sneak away like last time!-

-Yeah. Whatever- Nam snorted and rolled his eyes, -I’ll do as you say, daddy-.

-This again? Why do you call me dad now?-

Nam laughed and left without explaining.

Javier slumped back on the bench. After another minute or so of staring silently –- and rather pathetically -– into space, the Spaniard cleared his throat.

-The others have already left, right?-

-Yeah-.

-Brian will worry if we don’t get out soon-.

-Yeah-.

Javi sighed. -Yuzu...-

-Ahhh, _kuyashii_!-

Javi patted the younger man’s right knee. He dropped his palm and left it there on Yuzuru’s tight. -I expected so-.

Yuzu banged his head on the wall behind him. Not hard enough to hurt himself, just to mock himself theatrically.

-But the knee is fine, right?-

-Yeah, I think so-.

Javier patted Yuzu’s knee again. -That’s the most important thing-.

-I know-.

Yuzu closed his eyes and let out a slow, controlled breath. He had smiled his fake smile during the victory ceremony, that sad fake smile made of upturned lips and crinkles that left Yuzu’s eyes lifeless. It had made hard for Javi to keep his own fake smile plastered on his face.

-I’m sorry I took the gold-.

-Don’t. Javi, you need stop talking like this-.

-But I feel sorry-.

Yuzu half-opened his eyes to threw a glance at the Spaniard. His lips twitched a little. -Don’t be silly. You were best in competition. You deserve-.

Javier sighed. -I guess I should still thank you for handing me the victory-.

The Japanese stiffened and turned to his training mate, his face grim. -You know, you should really stop downplaying you this way. You did good. The end.-, Yuzu snapped. Javi flinched, taking away his hand. Yuzuru realized his own harshness and rushed to take back that hand and put it back on his leg. He twisted his mouth in dismay. -Sorry. But I mean it, that Javi must feel proud. You did good. Not perfect, but still good. This only first competition, new programs too, so...-

-Wow, you really thought a lot about all of this-.

-I did-. They both knew Yuzuru had done all that thinking to get a grip of his own feelings. -So Javi must trust me when I say it’s OK-.

-OK.- Javier cupped his right hand to his Yuzu's face and briefly stroked his cheek. He dropped that hand, but left the other were Yuzu had placed it. -Thank you-.

Yuzuru smiled faintly before slumping back to the wall.  
-You know I mean it-.  
He slipped his hand onto Javi’s and interlaced their fingers. He closed his eyes again.

Javi looked at their hands, Yuzu’s slender fingers entwined with his. He felt his training mate's warmth seep into him through that little contact, the mere closeness soothing enough to unclench the knot of disappointment Javier felt for his underwhelming gold.  
Javier knew he hadn’t done his best, but he still had got a gold medal and no one was going to shred him into pieces for getting a shabby score.  
Yuzu, on the other hand...  
The media. The press. From Japan, from everywhere. They might have called Yuzuru a god after his sublime short program, but they would have no mercy. Javier could already read the titles. _Despite recycled programs, Hanyu fails to deliver once again. Disastrous free skate. He can’t bear the pressure of being on top. He is weak. He failed._  
Javi hated all of this. He hated how unforgiving all of those people could be with Yuzuru. All so ready to bring him down, as if he couldn’t have a bad day as anyone else. Heck, a lot of skaters had got a bad day in their free skate at this competition, Yuzu only happened to have a worse one by far.

-You know they’re going to eat you alive-.

Yuzu shrugged. Though his lips took a half sardonic twist.

-Yuzu...-

-Can’t blame them. I guess... I think they should be used by know. Me too. I am unreliable, so...-

-That’s not true- he brushed Yuzuru’s fingers with his thumb. -I hate this. I hate that they are going to say...-

-Javi must worry for himself only.- Yuzu opened his eyes fully and turned towards the Spaniard, with a gaze so loving it melted Javier. -We agreed we only think of ourselves in competition, right?-

-I know-.

-Then Javi only worries press saying he old man, can't do many quads-, he chuckled. -Not care that I can’t deliver. Not Javi problem-.

-But it makes you sad-.

-Not sad. Regretful-. The Japanese man’s eyes ignited. -And angry. Very angry. With me. Maybe a tiny bit with them too. But I’ll make up. So Javi don’t worry for me-.

Javier’s heart felt heavy and light at once for those words, and that fire in Yuzu’s eyes.

That fire was part of why he loved Yuzuru. Just ad his tenderness.  
Javi would protect that tenderness and fan that fire with all he could, but he knew that Yuzu was strong and that he had pride, and Javier respected him too much to offer to be a mere refuge for him, a safe place.

Yuzu didn’t need safe places.

He needed hugs and pushes and smiles and challenges. He was like a ship’s captain that needed the strong waves and the whipping winds to fill the sails and make the ship leap forward. He was the explorer who always came back but always left again for new adventures. Yuzuru needed trusted companions to join him on his journey, not some coddling mother hen waiting back at home, gaze lost in the distant horizon.

There were so many things Javier could say, would say. But in the end, in that moment, only one felt like it really mattered, and it came to his lips as easy as breathing.

-I love you-.

The words weren’t new anymore, but they had all that Javi wanted to say. _They had the hugs and the pushes, the smiles and the challenges._

Yuzuru grinned. This time his eyes were smiling, too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nam Nguyen, Canadian skater and former third member of the TorontoCricketClub brothers™, was in third place after the short program, but the mistakes in the free kicked him off the podium, so one could say that the (former) brothers had symphatetic skates :'(  
>  The ACI male free skate event was rather rough for many of skaters, though nobody bombed nearly as hard as Yuzuru. He had to be extra both in perfection and in disaster >_<
> 
> More ACI angst/comfort/cuddles to come, but don't hold your breath for anything remotely heated, the boys are not in the mood :P


	2. That one time hugs were needed...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comfort can come in different forms.  
>  Sometimes all that matters is who’s giving it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No native English speaker here. Any misspell from fictional Yuzuru is part of my headcanon about how he talks in English. Any mistake in the rest of the work is entirely my own.  
>  Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, just a scrap from my own mental theatre inspired by real life people and events but with no claim to be real.

 

_Montreal, night after Autumn Classic FS. Sharing yourself with your rival is never easy, especially when that rival has just beat you. Yet, being with your rival is exactly what you need, if he’s the one that can find your smile back._

 

Yuzuru was already holding the door open for him when Javier reached the room. Better to send a text beforehand than risk getting caugh knocking at the door of Yuzu's room. They weren't exactly known for being videogames buddies, and Yuzuru had quite the reputation of the lone wolf when it came to post competition night fun. It wouldn't be tragedy if someone were to see Javi sneak in the lone wolf's den, with them being training mates and all, but it was still quite late in the night.  
As soon as the Japanese closed the door behind him, Javier placed his hands on Yuzu's waist.  
It had been so hard to hold back, in public. They had allowed themselves only a very short hug –- well, more accurately four very short hugs, so that somehow made up for the briefness –-, and while Javi wasn’t sure if Yuzu really wanted those hugs to last a bit longer, he knew he just wanted to close his eyes and let his breath synchronize with Yuzuru’s as they held each other.

He studied the Japanese man’s face, searching for any sign of refusal.

Javier would understand that. It would hurt, but he was almost expecting it. Yuzuru had smiled at his _-I love you-_ , and he had nodded in agreement at the whispered _-Can I come later?-_.

But nothing more.

So, when Yuzuru cupped his face and he just looked at him in the most unnerving silence, the Spaniard didn’t know what to expect.

 _What do you see?_ Javier wanted to ask him. _Do you see your rival, the one who won over you?_

_Your rink mate, who shared with you long hours of training and hard falls, frustration and words of encouragement?_

_The man who desperately wants to just kiss you right now?_

_Or do you see_ me _,_ Javier _, the one who is all of that, your rival and your rink mate, and the man who loves you?_

Yuzuru’s gaze paused on Javi’s mouth.

-Beard going to tickle-, Yuzuru muttered. He leaned in, he lowered his eyelids and kissed Javi.

It was just a mere brush of lips at first, nothing more than a caress, even more chaste than their first kiss. As his slender fingers wandered on the Spaniard’s cheeks, jaw and nape, he kissed Javier slowly, nudging his lips apart with tender little bites. And then it wasn’t chaste anymore, though it was still slow, all long, deep strokes of his tongue in Javi’s mouth. He moaned softly and it felt like a shared shiver on their skin. Javier drew the younger man closer, because he _needed_ to have him like that, to savour the sheer physicality of the moment while he countered Yuzu’s kissing with his own. Yet he still kept his hands on Yuzu’s waist. He didn’t pushed him against the wall, though he wanted to feel him, all of him, closer and closer. He didn’t claim more from him than the other was willing to give. When Yuzuru nibbled his bottom lip one last time before pulling away, Javier loosened his hold to allow him to step away, if he wanted to.

Yuzuru didn’t step away. Instead he lowered his gaze and placed his hands onto Javier’s shoulders. Then he leaned in to lay his head there too and he let out his breath.

Javi spread his fingers on the small of Yuzu’s back. He relished in the feeling of him, the solidity of hard muscles and a body much stronger than it looked. He knew since before the victory ceremony that neither of them would really be in the mood for sex that night, but he had feared Yuzu wouldn’t be in the mood for cuddling either. Or for having Javi around at all.

Finally he could let out his breath, too.

It was one thing to promise that the results of a competition wouldn’t affect their relationship, and another one to actually do that. Javier had been able to smile in Helsinki, but losing had never been so crushing for him as it was for Yuzuru, to begin with. And in Helsinki Javi hadn’t even bombed that badly anyway.

Sometimes, he still wondered if it could be really possible that Yuzuru could care for _him_ that _much_ , and feel truly _happy for him_ , when it was apparent Yuzuru’s overly competitive self absolutely _loathed_ being anything but first.

And, sometimes, Javi wondered if _he himself_ could be strong enough to be there for Yuzu even when Yuzu didn’t look very thrilled about having him around. Javier needed to feel appreciated, cared about, necessary in his own way. He was now older and wiser than when he was just a boy who got disheartened because his former coach Morozov was playing favourites --and he happened not to be among them--, but the experience had stuck. That one and many more.  
He didn't need Yuzu to want him all the time to know that he was cared, and yet...

But Yuzuru apparently wanted him around for that night.

 _Yuzuru had seen_ Javi _. All of him._

And it made him happy.

-So...-, Javi cleared his throat. It was awkward to go back to words, after saying so many things with just their bodies and breathes. -Do you need me to cheer you up?-

Yuzu disentangled from their hug and patted the Spaniard’s shoulder. –Don’t need. It’s OK-. He pursued his lips. _His very soft, very kissable lips, that Javier was kissing just moments ago_. -Good regret this time. I learn, so it’s OK-.

Javier grinned: the younger man’s face was morphing into one of his funny-looking grimaces, but his grimace was one of stubbornness and annoyance, not self-deprecation, so it was OK. They were both OK, and they could joke about this.

-Oh? And here I thought one gloomy Japanese skater needed this sunny Spaniard to make him smile-. He tried squishing his face but his hands were pulled down unceremoniously. He tried again and this time Yuzu let him poke his cheeks.

Yuzuru shot him a deadly glare, grumbling: -Why you do this now?-

–No reason. By the way, are you sure your body fat is only 5%? Because it looks way more to me- Javi chuckled squishing his face.

-Javi silly- Yuzu grumbled, mildly disgruntled at the Spaniard poking his cheeks, tickling him under his chin like a cat and making him make silly faces.

-Hey, you can’t complain. You do this to Shoma all the time-.

-But Shoma is my _kohai_ , I can harass him-.

-Well, I am your elder, too, so you’d better suffer in silence-.

-But Javi is boyfriend- he whined. -And Shoma’s cheeks are so soft and chubby-.

Javi chuckled and cupped his face in his palms. He moved his thumbs to stroke Yuzu’s skin. -I like your little chubby cheeks better-. Just as he liked Yuzu’s cheekbones, and his sharp jaw line, his small chin and that tender piece of chubbiness under there, the arch of his throat...

-You try Shoma’s next time. He way more squishy. You see. Next time...You’ll do Japan Open, right? You squish Shoma’s face then-.

-All right, I’ll try. But I’m still going to squish your “not so chubby” face-.

-Javi strange-.

-Hey, you like me-.

-I always ask why-. He grabbed Javi’s hands and lowered then. –OK, Javi had enough fun-.

-I was just trying to make you smile, you know-.

Yuzu rolled his eyes. –Told you, no need to cheer me. I’m fine-.

-So I came here for nothing, that’s it. I’m hurt!-

-Shut up!- Yuzuru placed the other man’s hands on his waist and fisted his T-shirt to tug him close. -Javi bad champion if he not kind with loser-.

-Then I guess I should go to Messing’s room and try and cheer him up too...-

-NO!- the Japanese punched his shoulder -You so silly sometimes-.

It felt good, that they could still banter like that. That was how Javi tried to deal with nerves. He was glad that Yuzuru was in for that, too, despite everything.  
-Only sometimes?-

-You prefer all times?-

-It’s just that you _always_ say I’m silly, you know-.

-I say many many times because you always try and _touch_ when you should not. It annoys-.

-Liar. You like that-.

-Never say I don’t like-. Yuzu had a nerve telling that with a straight face. -But we can’t, so still annoyed.-

Javier clutched him tight.  
-So, what do you want from me? I’m feeling really tired and my old body is aching for the fall I took, I don’t have any more strength for banters. Now, if we could go somewhere more comfortable...-.

Yuzu slipped away from his clutch like an eel.  
-Oh oh, maybe I should get lover that can keep up with me...-

-Don’t you dare!- He caught him from behind. He trapped Yuzuru against his body, relishing in how easily the Japanese man let himself drop back onto him, back to Javi’s chest. Yuzuru’s arms covered Javier’s. The Spaniard smacked a noisy kiss on his collarbone and another one on the crook of his neck, right on his necklace, as Yuzu jiggled and tried – failing – to look reproachful. Javi added another tiny smack on that adorable tiny mole close to Yuzu’s right ear.

Yuzu slumped in his arms. -You stop now-, he said hoarsely.

-I’ve already stopped-. Javier murmured nuzzling his neck.

-Javi...-

-...yeah?-

-Can hold me a little more?-

Javi brushed his lips on Yuzu’s jaw.  
-I hoped you would ask-.

They somehow dragged themselves to the bed and tumbled on it, shifting and adjusting their bodies to be more comfortable. Yuzu had grown slightly taller than Javi, but the Spaniard was still the bulkier one and Yuzu still looked and feel so much slimmer with that tiny waist of his, so they always ended with Javi spooning him, his breath a whisper on Yuzu’s nape. The younger man always complained it tickled him, but he snuggled closer every time.

Choosing on which side to lay down was an awkward thing this time, because one of them had got bruises on his left side, the other on his right one. Javier had somehow managed to lessen with his hands his splat on the ice, while Yuzuru had mainly hurt his butt (and to a greater degree his pride). In the end they agreed to lay on their left side.  
-Because Javi older-Yuzuru joked.  
They chuckled a bit at their own clumsiness.

When Javier threw one arm across the other man’s waist, they both sighed in contentment.

-Javi can ask if he wants hold me-, the Yuzuru said quietly. -Or if want hug. You never ask-.

-I don’t want to bother you-.

He covered the hand the Spaniard had laid on his belly. -This is really silly, you know. I told you, right?-

-Yes. Yes, you did it-. Javi inhaled deeply, filling his nostrils with Yuzu’s clean scent of some fruity soap he used.

-But you never ask. Told you, Javi is never bother-.

And yet Javi couldn’t shake the feeling that sometimes he _could be_ a bother to Yuzu. Not that the Japanese skater had ever outright said so, nor he had ever acted meanly. It was just that the he really needed to be left alone in order to work properly and Javi didn’t want to come and burst his bubble. They loved each other, but they both needed their spaces.

Even more so when they were rivals.

-Thank you-.

-Javi must not say thank you-.

The Spaniard blinked in confusion. He propped up on his left elbow and leaned in to look at Yuzuru’s face. –Why would that be?-

-Because of course Javi always welcomed. Don’t say thank you-.

-You always say thank you when I hug you-.

-Because happy. I thank you for making me happy-. He rubbed Javier’s knuckles with his thumb.

-OK-. Javier grinned, -Then, _thank you_ , because it makes me very happy when you talk to me like this. And when we can stay together like this-.

-OK. Thank... you. Um, I guess-. He beamed up at Javier as the Spaniard leaned down to peck his lips.

Javi pulled the blanket to cover them both. He hadn’t even bothered to change from his sweatpants and T-shirt. He hadn’t brought a change, and he was comfortable enough to sleep like that. He smiled when Yuzuru buried his whole face under the blanket, producing some weird sounds resembling a strangled meowing. Javier loved Yuzu’s weirdness as much as any other part of him. It was just... _Yuzu_. And he always looked so adorably soft and innocent, all curled up in blankets. He could be rather greedy with them, but Javier usually didn’t care that the other stole the covers. And he liked that he could snuggle closer to Yuzuru with the excuse of reclaiming the blanket. -We try to sleep now, all right? We both need some sleep-.

-Yeah.-

Javi kissed the younger man’s shoulder affectionately and tucked the blanket tighter around his body. Yuzu always complained about drafts in bed, which was pretty weird, for someone who spent so many hours in ice rinks. It was one of those things the Japanese man got very fussy about... like earphones, or folding his clothes (and national flags), or figure skating costumes, or jumps, or... Well, he was fussy about _a lot_ of things, but he made up for that by being completely sloppy abut others. Like cooking. Or his off-ice clothing. Or hair-styling...

-Javi-.

-Yeah?-

-I’m happy you here-.

-Me too, _querido_ -.

One thing that had made Javier happy about Autumn Classic was that he’d managed to get gold in a competition where Yuzu had set another world record. But being with Yuzuru _like this_ was a different kind of happiness. This was way less shallow. And while the happiness for his gold was tinged with dissatisfaction for his performance and the dramatic debacle of his main rival, _this_ happiness, despite everything, despite what could happen on the ice, was pure and true, and it wasn’t going to fade anytime soon.

He hugged Yuzuru tightly.

-Now you can let it go- he whispered. -Let it all go-.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few details mentioned in this chapter 
> 
> Post-competition habits: here I was definitely thinking about Yuzuru's "I spent the night alone, watching my SP" in Helsinki. I don't know if it's more amusing or sad. 
> 
> The "squishy cheeks" talk: I saw that hug between Javier and Shoma at Japan Open and I couldn't refrain from dragging Yuzuru in somehow ^_^ 
> 
> Javi's confidence issues: Nikolai Morozov was Javier's coach before he switched to Brian Orser. Morozov favouring the development of another skater over Javi plus other training issues lead Javier to leave him.  
>  As far as I know, Javier sometimes struggles with self-esteem and loses motivation.  
>  Yuzuru had credited Javier for helping him not to get too nervous during competitions and they have both talked about how much they encourage each other on the ice. The balance between rink mates that push each other and rivals fighting for the same medals is a fine one, but somehow it's been working for them for the last five years. Even if in the real world their relationship isn't romantic, it's still really heartwarming to see. 
> 
> ACI falls: I've rewatched Javi's and Yuzu's falls in their ACI FS for the sake of accuracy ^^  
>  Those falls were both hilarious and heartbreaking to watch. Maybe more hilarious, all in all. I snickered, and then felt bad for snickering. 
> 
> Yuzuru's height: I believe he has grown taller than Javier, and nobody is going to make me change idea :P 
> 
> Stealing blankets: I'm sure Yuzuru would steal the bed covers. I don't know if he's fussy about drafts, but it's cute to imagine he is XD 
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
>  Another post-ACI chapter is waiting for this snail of a writer to reread it (and probably half-rewrite it completely) :D


	3. ... and that one time smiles came easily, despite the failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything looks better in the morning. Even an awful skate.  
> Everything looks even better when you aren't left alone to deal with disappointment.

 

_Montreal, September 24, in the morning._

_In the morning light, disappointment takes a less bitter taste, and the future looks brighter. Javier is there to remind Yuzuru that present isn’t that bad either._

 

 Yuzuru had needed some time for himself, to mourn over his subpar performance. Some time to just allow himself to feel sad and angry, and to let regret fill his whole being, before pushing it into that part of his mind that could turn it into hunger for revenge. He always needed to let everything loose, scream and cry if he felt like that. Only then he could rein his feelings again, and allow his rationality to kick in and start analyzing and finding answers and planning strategies.

Last night he had also needed not being really completely alone. Javi had cuddled him and, even if Yuzuru  was half sure the Spaniard wasn’t already asleep when he’d let a few sobs shake him, his partner hadn’t moved or said a thing, just allowing Yuzu to do what he needed.

_Let it all go._

Yuzuru had done exactly that. And it had been warm and comfortable, waking up with the sun on his face and the warmth of Javier’s arm around his waist.

The drool on his shoulder hadn’t been that pleasant, but a look at Javi’ silly sleepy and drooling face and Yuzu had started giggling uncontrollably.

It had felt as if light was blooming in his chest again.

Javi hadn’t take that kind of awakening that well, though, and he’d grumbled all the way to the bathroom that next time Yuzu drooled on his pillow in Toronto he'd make sure to take a lot of photos in retaliation. Javier had complained more when he had dragged himself to his own room to change into a less wrinkled t-shirt, so he could go and grab breakfast without looking as if... he’d spent the night in someone else’s room. _Which he’d done._

The Spaniard was still sulking when they came back, grumbling under his breath that Yuzu didn’t deserved at all his super-caring boyfriend. Yuzuru knew it was all an act from his _super-sweet_ boyfriend to make him feel better.

Now Yuzuru was sitting cross-legged on the bed, absentmindedly tapping on his phone, while Javi was back in his own room packing his stuff. He had said he’d come back shortly to make Yuzu atone for his rudeness. The Japanese skater smirked. He had half an idea how the Spaniard would like to make him pay. It was pity they would have to leave the hotel in an hour or so to catch their flight. Oh well. Yuzuru wanted to go back to training ASAP, but Brian had already decided they had earned the whole following day off. Yuzuru wasn’t looking forward to _more_ rest, but at least he could maybe still get some kind of... reward.

While he waited, --he’d already finished packing his stuff, not that difficult given how neat he usually was --, Yuzuru busied himself shuffling through some Japanese and English media. He might not be on social media, but he was far from unaware of where people discussed figure skating, and _him_. Despite half-fearing what he could read, he needed some feedback, and with the sun shining outside of this hotel window in Montreal, he felt calm enough to wheatear whatever storm was brewing for him.

In the end the media were being more supportive than he had expected. Fans were always supportive, and it never ceased to amaze him and humble him all that unconditional love they poured on him in the form of cheers and beautiful banners and thoughtful gifts, hours spent in the night to get a good seat to be closer to him, and money and time spent to travel for the chance to watch him skate his programs live.

Maybe it was because of their support that he didn’t felt _that_ crushed, or maybe it was that he knew he hadn't been properly conditioned, due to his recent lack of training. Or maybe it was Tracy’s quiet reassurance, or Brian’s talks about pancakes. Yuzuru wasn’t well acquainted with that kind of American traditional breakfast, so he hadn’t got immediately the meaning of Brian’s simile, but it was so... wise. So Brian’s. It made Yuzu chuckle now, and he grinned when he found out that the pancake talk was trending among fans, with jokes and memes.

Now he only had to prove all those people that they were right in trusting him. Not an easy feat, but he loved challenges, and this one would be a big one. He just needed to be patient and train with care, and stay focused. No more fumbling, he could live with a silver at ACI behind Javi (though it still stung), but in Russia he had Nathan and his multiple quads waiting for him, and Kolyada and his beautiful 4Lz, too. Yuzuru wanted to be on par with them.

No, wait, who was he kidding?

He wanted to be _better_ than them.

Also, after all his flaunting his 4Lz, he felt bad for not having still shown a properly landed one. And 4Lo too, he wanted to land it in both his programs again. 4S always needed care, and 4T needed revenge. And 3A... Yuzuru swore he would never let down his favourite jump as he’d done in his ACI free skate. The jump still loved him, the SP was proof enough of that, but he had wronged it in the FS greatly, so he needed to make up. Never mind it was still a triple (in his current programs), the Axel was his most beloved treasure, and he was trusting it to be there for him as the last jumping pass of the hardest layout he’d ever skated to, and in a program that meant so much to him, _and_ for the Olympic season on top of that...

He nodded to himself, tapped his head, nodded again...

-Sometimes you really look nuts-.

Yuzu started and turned to blink up at his rink mate. The bed dipped under an additional weight when the Spaniard knelt on the bed to crawl behind him.  -You’re back-. He blushed a little. When he got lost in his thoughts he didn’t care about how he looked from the outside, but he’d seen enough recordings to know he looked _really weird_.

Certainly not how he wanted to be seen by Javi.

The Spaniard chuckled ruffling his hair, a gesture Yuzu tried to avoid out of habit by slinking away. Only it was hard to do that when Javier was enfolding Yuzuru in his arms, chest pressed to his back as a comfy quilt. Javi smacked a kiss on his ear, making Yuzu squeal in fake dislike.

-I still like you, you know. Even if you look like some possessed madman. A slightly terrifying one-.

-Javi no nice at all- he elbowed the Spaniard, then rushed to apologize when Javi yelped in pain. -I’m sorry, Javi- he turned and bowed in regret, twisting his hands in shame. -I forgot bruise, I’m sorry...-

-It’s ok. Damn, you got one heck of an accuracy... exactly on the swelling-.

-I’m sorry-.

Javi patted his cheek. -Yuzu, it’s ok. It was just a bruise. I’m not gonna die-.

-I should be more careful- Yuzuru said stiffly, refusing to lift his head as Javi was nudging him to do.

- _Querido_ , it’s OK. I’m not _that_ old, you know-, the Spaniard joked.

Yuzu bit his lower lip, his regret suddenly vanquished. Javier was handing the teasing on a silver platter. Really, it was just too easy, Javi was _begging_ for a bit of taunting. Yuzuru tried holding back, he really tried. Then he burst: - _Still_ -.

-What?-

-You say you not so old...- Yuzuru’s lips quirked, -... _still_ -.

-You little...- Javi tickled him making Yuzu squirm and finally erupt in a laugh. When he lifted his head, Javi kissed his laughter from his lips, making it ripple and echo with his own. He leaned onto Yuzuru until he was pinning him onto the bed, the mattress slumping and making him fall onto Yuzu faster, as if the he were gravity itself, urging Javier to come closer, and closer, and closer. Javier let him go when he felt the Japanese man was out of breath. Javi plopped with his back on the bed and rolled on his side, one arm thrown across Yuzuru’s waist to keep him close.  
-The joke about my age is getting old. _Older_ than me-, he commented while catching his breath.

Yuzu stuck his tongue at him and scrunched his face before breaking in a soft smile and an even softer gaze. His dark irises sparkled, framed by his lowered eyelashes, and Javi knew exactly how the other man was feeling in that moment, because he was feeling exactly the same.

Contended. Tired, but happy.

Glad.

In love.

-Thank you for making me laugh, Javi-.

-Happy to oblige-. Javier fluttered his hand in mock gallantry.

This time Yuzu was the one to say it out loud.

-I love you-.

A faint whisper that enfolded them both, as they laid down on the bed, for the briefest moment just two people that belonged only to each other. Not skaters, not gold medallists or rivals or even rink mates. Just Javi and Yuzu. Just two boys in love.

It was brief, before silence settled on them and the weight of too many thoughts with it.

Yuzuru still enjoyed those other thoughts. He wouldn’t be himself if his brain wasn’t so full, full, full of things. But Javier...for him it was different. They were different, and sometimes the Spaniard felt that being so different was a blessing, and other times it made him fear what kind of future they could have. Yet, as long as they were both willing to keep those brief moments for themselves, it was worth even this, this uncertainly, this constant wondering. Because those moments meant that they cared about each other and needed each other. And, more important, that they _wanted_ each other. They wanted to have the other in their life, by their side, and this would never change, no matter what kind of label they would choose for their relationship in the future.

-You know...- Yuzu started after a while, puckering his lips.

-What?-

-I’ve never eaten pancakes-.

Javier laughed. -Really? All these years in Toronto and you’ve never had your typical Nord American breakfast?!-

Yuzu wrinkled his nose. –I like Japanese breakfast better-.

-Of course-. That was why they had resorted to buy cake whenever Yuzuru was standing for the night at Javi’s flat. At least Yuzu wouldn’t say no to a strawberry shortcake, despite not being his usual gazillion salted dishes breakfast. Javier really couldn't conceive cooking at such _ungodly early_ hours such an _ungodly number_ of different foods.

Javier propped himself on his left elbow. -So, you’d like to try pancakes?-

-Brian talks about pancakes all the time, I think I should know what he means-. And Yuzuru had to admit the photos he’s seen that morning were making his interest more than purely academic. Pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries... chocolate chips pancakes... pancakes with all sorts of toppings...  
They looked _delicious_.  
Yeah, not having ever eaten pancakes was currently a _huge shortcoming_ and he fully intended to make up for that as soon as possible.

-If you’d said it before, we could have had that for breakfast this morning-.

-But I want... I was thinking maybe you...-

-Me?-

-You cook-.

Javi  dropped back on the bed, laughing. – _Dios_ , you are _so_ spoiled-.

-Hey! I want because Javi good with that... stuff-.

-Mm, I guess I could try. Even though... sorry to disappoint you, but I have still to make decent pancakes. I’ve tried them only a couple of times and something always went wrong-.

-Ew, what? Shame on Javi!-

-Hey!- Javier swatted Yuzu’s shoulder and pouted, -You don’t have any right to judge me. And in Spain we don’t usually cook for breakfast, you know. We just grab biscuits or some toasts or go out and buy _churros_ or whatever... we’re not really functioning that early. If you think any sane Spaniard would get up early in the morning to _cook_ for _breakfast_ you’re seriously delusional, young man-.

-Eh, why say you don’t cook? Javi always making coffee, right?-

Javier turned on his left side. He stared at Yuzu with his eyebrows raised. -Yuzu, _querido_ , making coffee isn’t cooking-.

-Of course it is-.

-No, it isn’t-.

-It is-.

The Spaniard chuckled. -Then, are you telling me you think that you making _tea_ means that you’re _cooking_?-

-Of course-.

Javier stifled a laugh behind closed lips.

-You laughing at me?- Yuzuru whined indignantly.

-Yuzu, it’s just... making water boil and dropping a spoon of tealeaves in the pot isn’t _cooking_ -.

-But you turn something into something else, right? And use heat. And when you make coffee too, you use stove, right?- he argued valiantly. -So that’s cooking-.

-Eh, nope, that’s... it doesn’t work like that-.

-Javi crazy-.

-Mm, no, seriously, Yuzu, making coffee isn’t cooking. It’s... _making coffee_. They are two very different things-.

-I think I right, and Javi wrong-.

-You are really a petulant brat sometimes-.

-But you just make no sense!-

-All right.- the Spaniard leaned over to stamp a brief kiss on Yuzu’s lips. –Let’s call a truce for today. And yeah, I’ll make you pancakes if you want. You can help me, you know. We can make them together-.

-OK. – Yuzuru grinned triumphantly. –I can cook too. I’ll make you see!-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally ending this little detour about ACI, when Rostelecom Cup is already here ^^ (please send help, author is starting to feel a bit queasy)  
>  There is only one short epilogue pancake-related, I'll post it in a few hours. 
> 
> A few notes: 
> 
> Media's surprisingly mild reaction to Yuzu's pop concert was something that I wasn't expecting, it made a stark contrast with what I feared and tried to dispel writing the first chapter of this work (which I wrote immediately after the ACI FS, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to go to sleep).  
>  Yuzu himself has said in his interviews (though I don't remember which) that he always needs to "let it all out" (e.g. cry if he feels like that) so he can move on. So I think he would need some kind of emotional venting out the night of his ACI FS, and I like to imagine that in this fictional universe he would feel at ease to do that in Javi's presence. 
> 
> About breakfast: I don't think is far fetched to think Yuzuru wouldn't have tasted pancakes in all his years in Toronto, given he has his mother overseeing all his meals and he usually seems quite contented with japanese food. 
> 
> About Spanish breakfast habits, I don't have any first-hand knowledge, but I guess breakfast usually doesn't involve a lot of efforts and cooking, much like in my country xD  
>  (In the morning I'm so sleepy that I usually prepare my moka pot the previous night and place it on the stove, so the only thing I have to do when I get up is turning the stove on... and possibly not make the coffee burn ^^)  
>  So my fictional Javi is a good cook, but not that eager to cook as soon as he gets up xD  
>  Also, I don't conceive making coffee as anything remotely related to cooking. Making coffee is... _making coffee_. xD 
> 
> Thank you for reading ^^
> 
> Tiny edit: in this chapter I haven't mentioned all of Yuzu's babies (meaning jumps) and after his open practice I feel a bit bad about that (3F are you trying to be a naughty child too?). So all of you, Yuzu's jumps, please behave. And please please please no more singles in competition (>_<)


End file.
